Dwelling in the shelter of the most High

Sometimes I have difficulty writing about the more serious things that are going on in my world.  I tend to be a private person – revealing my heart to only a few close friends, but the fun & funny side of our lives is only a partial picture and lately I’ve been feeling like I should just write a little bit about what the Lord has been challenging me with in these last few months.  It’s hard to know where to start…


There has been a splitting in our lives.  The Lord has chosen – in His infinite wisdom and kindness [though it may not seem to be kindness to the carnal mind, but we know it is His KINDNESS that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4)] to reveal some of the failings & unrepentant heart nature of someone that we looked up to greatly in ministry.  Someone who we care greatly for and have learned much from.  But this person has hardened their heart to the message of the cross and started to care more about their image than Jesus.  So there was a separation.  A split. 


I am a sinner saved by the grace of my Lord Jesus Christ.  I fail daily.  Hourly even.  I need Him to cleanse me, forgive me, renew me…I have utmost compassion on those who sin & repent.  However, when we say we have no sin, THE TRUTH is not in us.  If we CONFESS our sins HE is FAITHFUL & Just to Forgive us our sins & cleanse us from all unrighteousness […and this is where it gets harder…] If we say we have no sin we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. (1 John 1:8-10)  Who is THE TRUTH?  Jesus!  How do we repent?  It is only His Kindness that leads us to repentance.  His goodness. His mercy.  Nothing that is in my flesh wants to do that – my nature wants to be self-righteous — but if I am self-righteous I say that I am too good for His cross!   My righteousness is as filthy rags!  But His Righteousness cleanses me and makes me pure again and again.  My heart feels so broken from this split – people I love who the Lord has asked us to walk away from for now.   But I trust my Father in heaven to lead me in this journey on earth and I must obey His voice no matter what others are saying to me.  I have to follow Him who has given me my life.


In my brokenness, this is what the Lord says to me.  Worship Me anyway.  Even when you don’t “feel” like it.  I am still worthy to be praised.  Worship Me anyway.  I am the same God who has healed your body, your heart, your soul.  I am the same Jesus who loved you when you were broken.  I am the same God who loves you now – imperfections and all.  Do not look to your left or to your right.  Look into My eyes.  Look at Me.   He has whispered it over and over to me — worship Me.  Overcome this heartache – trust Me.  Let Me be God.  For you.  For them


I realize as the earth is shifting under my feet – things that I believed to be true, but were not true – my heart is being challenged.  Worship Me for I am worthy to be praised.   I Am TRUE.  Though our friends may disappoint us.  Though people in ministry aren’t who they say they are.  They are just human.  But God is still God.  He is still worthy of my praise.  When I don’t feel like singing, this is when I must  sing!  This is what I know to be true.  We are all human.  We all sin.  We have all fallen short of the glory of God.  We can sin greatly and still have a HEART AFTER GOD (anyone hear of DAVID???)  but the key is to still have the heart longing to know God — a heart that repents, that wants to please God more than men.  When that is gone, what is left?   I also know that God is a God who can restore, renew, and heal all sorts of breaches.  And as we walk through this life we only ever see a tiny part of what God is doing even in our own little worlds.  I need to stop thinking that I am seeing the whole picture.  That I understand what it is that God is doing.  It is not always for me to understand, but it is for me to worship Him anyway.  To lift my hands and praise Him because He is good.  And He IS good.


And so my heart is reduced to a simple place of thanks.  Thanks to God for my husband, who is a wonderful representative of Christ’s love in my life.  For my children who are a true gift from God when the doctors all said they “could not happen” (and yet here they are!)  For my home.  For the peace in my days.  For my God, who loves me through my weaknesses and shortcomings (of which there are many).  And I thank Him even that my heart is being reduced – because you know when you are cooking and need to “reduce” something that it becomes more potent.  More intense.  In this reduction I pray that my heart becomes even more strengthened in my love and faith in Him.


I WiLL Worship.  I WiLL Praise His Name.   I Will say to the Lord “My refuge and my fortress. My God, in whom I trust!”


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Jill on April 14, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    I loved this post and I thank you for your candid and authentic sharing even in a blog post. I liked what you said about not looking to your right or to your left but in His eyes. This is an important reminder for me both literally (too many cute babies in church) and figuratively in my faith journey. I also loved your reducing analogy. When I felt called to end my singing career and God gave me the strength to move forward, I felt reduced but more potent and able to be used by God. Thanks for your thoughts and I will be praying for you during this time.


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